Jumper is the worst kind of movie – a concept charged with stellar potential and a plumbless creative reservoir that instead squanders its promise on mediocrity and outright banality. Far more reprehensible than an uncomplicatedly bad film, Jumper is an unforgivably dim-witted and stupid waste of celluloid and your time.
David Rice (Hayden Christensen) discovers at a young age that he possesses the unfathomable ability to instantaneously teleport anywhere in the world he desires. At the speed of thought, he can “jump” from one side of the earth to the other and back again. He enjoys mornings in a Manhattan penthouse, lunch in Egypt, afternoon surfing in Australia and a pint to wash it all down with later that night in a London pub. David’s life is one of unlimited resources, an existence without limits or consequences.
But David is not unique. There are others like him, including the globetrotting malcontent Griffin (Jamie Bell), and they are being hunted down one by one by a shadowy religious organization known as the Paladin. Led by Roland (Samuel L. Jackson with powdered donut hair), the Paladin believe only God should possess such omnipotent powers and, armed with electric lassos, have sworn to eradicate every jumper they find. As David is pursued from one corner of the globe to the next, he becomes entangled in a battle that has been raging for centuries. Suddenly he is all too aware that his life of fierce independence has left him without friends and allies when he needs them most.
Jumper is one of the worse scripts in recent memory, a screenplay so riddled with inconsistencies, plot holes and inept dialogue that it sounds like something the scenery department was asked to throw together while the writers were all out on strike.
The film seems incapable of following its own logic, places characters in implausible situations (the jumpers pop in and out of some of the most peopled places on the planet, the baddies are milliseconds away from breaking down the door and our hero would rather discuss his relationship with his high school sweetheart than jump for his life), hints at fascinating details which it never bothers to revisit (the Inquisition and Salem witch trials were actually Jumper executions), and never conjures the sort of awe that such supernatural abilities would inevitably evoke (Rachel Bilson, as David’s girlfriend Millie, is aggravated that he robs banks but is apparently nonplussed when she discovers he can bend time and space). Jumper’s language cannot possibly keep up with its ambitious imagination.
Worse still, the film’s core problem is its alleged hero, an emotional vacuum at best and a self-absorbed, heartless monster at worst. David is a man dedicated to a life of unbridled hedonism. He pays for his extravagant lifestyle by materializing inside sealed bank vaults and hauling away the cash. When his television shows third-world peasants fighting for their lives in a tsunami-like flood, we assume David will jump in to rescue them. However when he dons a wetsuit soon thereafter, it is to ride waves not save lives. If Jumper once had a character arc that showed David learning the error of his ways and deciding to use his powers for good, it now lies on the cutting room floor. Instead, in its lack of criticism of his actions, the film seems to give tacit endorsement to his narcissism.
Director Doug Liman has an impressive resume: the indie darling Swingers, which put Vince Vaughn on the map; The Bourne Identity, the first in the mega-hit trilogy; and the mindlessly fun Mr. and Mrs. Smith. But with Jumper, he has crafted a film high on imagination but devoid of brains.
This is one film I wish I could have teleported out of.
© Copyright 2008 Brandon Fibbs. All rights reserved.
